Sayonara
by infaroyya
Summary: He lost his mom... He lost his dad... His older brother is too busy to noticed... He only had him as his friend -but that's just not enough... staring at his shining blade he began to cut one cut... two cut... three cut... four- he felt despair turned into gladness as the blood flow. will they manage to stop him? or will he die like what he always wanted?
1. His pain

Tsuna POV

I grunted as I stood up. I can tell that at least some of my ribs are broken.

I spit out my blood before then coughing out some more. Pain is all over me and I can barely move. However I've got to be home before Gio-nii goes. I've prepared dinner for him, he must be tired...

And so I forced my woobly foot to walk. Everysteps sent waves of pain down to my spine and I tried to ignored it as best as I can.

After a very long journey I finally arrived. Good thing that we had a bathroom downstairs. At least I can get rid of this smelly clothes of mine as it got covered by spit and piss as well as myself.

Once I'm done with all of the washing I felt totally worn up but then I remembered that I've of make dinner.

And so I make them just for my brother since I have no appetite at all.

After leaving a message I went upstairs to my room. I cringed on everylitle move I made.

I locked my room once I arrived my bedroom.

I lied on my bed staring at the empty ceiling can't think on anything else than the pain that I feel.

It has been like this since mom's death 5 years ago...

Dad's always got drunk everynight untill he passed away due to overdoze 2 years later...

Aniki who is 3 years older than me is a highschoolar now. He's the chairman at Namimori highschool. Not to mention that he's smart and popular too.

A complete opposite of me...

His younger brother by 1 year who failing a grade for three years in a row and now in the same class of the freshmen of the junior highschool.

A loner...

A dummy...

An idiota...

The school's clown. ..

 **THE** infamous Dame-Tsuna...

Bullies come and go like a wind. So often 'till I can't no longer count it with my little finger. And it happens everyday as my daily treatment and getting worser as I lost Mom who always there to protect me before.

Gio-nii never know because everyone keep it hidden from him. I didn't tell him a word either. Always play as a clumsy brother who smiling like an idiot I am.

I sighed, then I raised my hand to the air as my sleeves fall down revealling my collections...

Those wounds on my wrist, they are battlescar. Each of them held their own story.

I smiled at the memory...

I guess I want to add another one today...

And so I walked to my bathroom.

After I locked the door I took a small shiny blade form my cabinet.

I then sit on the tub...

I'm no longer wincing when I cut.

 _'it's not enough...'_ I thought. Then I made another cut.

I see blood flowing down from the wounds. Gving me a relaxing sensation of letting go...

This pain... _it's_ _facinating..._

I closed my eyes as I leaned back wondering what will happen if I continue this without stopping it like what I did everytime...

But just like before, I stopped the bleed after a while at the thought of Gio-nii's sad face at my funeral .not to mention my bestfriend's reaction when he know that I cuts...

I wrapped bandages over my wrist. I also treating my other wounds from the bullies.

When I'm done I stared at my own reflection in the mirror...

Pale face... black bags under my red puffy eyes... and not forget those scatchs...

 _like a living dead..._

I chuckled weakly, what do I expected?

I lead my tired body back to my bedroom after cleaning up all of the mess I made, including the blood stain on my sleeve.

I lied back on my bed, now closing my eyes ready to fall asleep.

I sighed, "If only I can sleep forever..." I mumbled as I slowly driften to sleep...

Giotto POV

"Tadaima!" I shouted when I entered the house.

***SILENCE***

I spotted Tsuna's shoes. _'That means he's home right? '_ I thought. _'maybe he's sleeping?'_

But before I go and checked something good caught my nose,. And so following that heavenly smile I entered he dining room where there's a meal on the table along with a letter.

As I thought it's from Tsuna. [I'm sleeping] it says.

Just then my tummy rumbled. I chuckled.

"welp! It's time for supper!" I said.

I ate ravenously. Well,working as chairman is taking lots of energy, and Tsuna's cooking is one of the best way to restore it!

After I'm done, I washed the dish then went to my bedroom. But before that I take a peek to Tsuna's bedroom just to found him sleeping soundly on his bed.

I giggled silently, "Good night otouto..." I whispered as I closed the door.

I failed to notice the frown on his tired face...

~the next day~~

~midnight~

Normal POV

Tsuna jolted awake from his sleep. He just got a nightmare about his mother's death. The way she bleed to death while holding him on her embrace...

Her weak smile and her last words to her eight years son, _"keeps on living"_ is her message before she closed her eyes for eternity.

Tsuna cried silently as he gasped for air, trying to calm himself from the shock.

Once he calmed down he glanced the digital clock on his desk. _'03.33...'_ but Tsuna had no more itention to go back to sleep. He don't want to risk the change to have the nth time in a row of having the same nightmare for his last 5 years.

And so he do choress in the night silent untill sun goes dawn.

Finished with everything including preparing breakfast and eat his portion, Tsuna went straight to Namimoru-chuu.

It's still early in the morning but he's there. Standing proudly in front of his beloved school's gate.

Tsuna smiled warmly at the ravenet, "Good morning Kyoya..." Tsuna greeted.

The Raven, that known as Hibari Kyoya. Hummed as reply, "Hn... Tsuna..."

Tsuna was about to _just_ passed him but Hibari who spotted his paleness had to stopped him and asked. "Tsuna, are you sick?" He asked in concern.

It's no longer a secret that _the dame-Tsuna_ is a befriend -and even bestfriends- with _the demon prefect._ but of course no one dare to questioned that for they're afraid of _the demon_ 's wrath...

Tsuna winced at the sudden coldness on his head... or was it him who's hot?

"You're warm..." looks like the latter guess is right...

Tsuna take a step back as he put Hibari's hand off his forehead. "I'm okay, don't worry... but thanks for your concern" he replied while smiling slimly.

Seeing clouds on that brown doe eyes and that sad smile on his lips, Hibari said, "meet me at my office at lunch time"

Tsuna replied with a faint okay before he walked to his class, leaving the skylark staring at his backwith an obvious worriedness on his usual stoic face...


	2. Please don't

#with Tsuna

Tsuna's walking to his locker just to find one of his bullies had waiting for him.

"Give me your money, Dame!" He demanded.

It's just as usual...

Unfortunately Tsuna had lost all of his money from yesterday's ambush, and so now he got nothing to defend himself.

Timidly Tsuna answered, "I-I... I don't h-have money..." He startled.

He take some step back as the bullier walking towards him.

He pinned Tsuna to the wall while the poor brunet trembling in fear. then without hesitating the bullier choked him by neck as he then raised Tsuna to the air whle Tsuna can only gasped for air as he got no energy to fight back.

"Listen to me you brat... You just a weakling, you should know your place." he threatened as he tighten his grip making Tsuna chocked even more. "You're lucky that Hibari saved you last time. but today, I won't hesitated to-"

Not finished talking he released Tsuna in reflex to avoid a tonfa who almost got his head.

Tsuna dropped to the floor coughing and gasping from needing the air.

The bullier who almost die today –or maybe he will soon- turned around with horror face as he saw _the demon prefect_ glaring daggers at him. "for hurting my bestfriend I'll bite you to death..." Hibari then stike that boy who then cried for his mom.

Fortunately -to that bastard- Hibari didn't get to _killed_ him since Tsuna's state is what matter the most.

Hibari helped Tsuna to stood up but Tsuna didn't last long before he slumped back down. Good thing Hibari got him before he hit the cold floor.

"Let me get you to the infirmary..." Hibari said, clinging Tsuna's arm to his shoulder while his own hand is holding him by waist, so the brunet won't fall again.

Tsuna who's barely concious can only obdient and rely on him.

not so long then they manage to reach the infirmary.

Oh how furious Hibari when he found no one's inside. "That bloody pervert... where the hell is he?!" Hibari snarled.

"It's okay Kyoya... I'll be fine..." Tsuna said as Hibari helped him lied on the bed.

Hibari accidently spotted red on Tsuna's white sleeve, he hurriedly checked to see if he got injured.

Tsuna was too late to realize moreover stopped him from seing the bloody bandage.

"Tsuna... who did this to you?" Hibari asked strenly, thinking that someone did this to the brunet.

Tsuna just shooking his head weakly, "No one, Kyoya... just let that be... I'm fine by it" he said as he tried to pull his arm back. Keyword : tried.

Hibari gripped his wrist even tighter as he is growing suspicious, he gulped as he slowly released the bandage, he hopes that he his thought is missed.

Tsuna widen his eyes as he began to kicking and punching him, "Let me go! Kyoya! I demanded you to LET ME GO!" he screamed but Hibari pay no mind as he continued.

Hibari gasped in horror as what he's afraid of is coming true. "Tsuna..." he fell speechless as he released his grip letting the crying brunet hug his arm while trying to cover that mark.

"...why?..." is the only words that come out from the skylark.

"..." Tsuna can't reply as he continued his cries.

Seeing this Hibari felt guilty and also sad, for the first time after so long he felt his heart break. putting his pride away he hugged the petite boy.

"I'm sorry..." He appologized. "Sorry for doing that, and sorry for never be there for you on those hard times... I'm so sorry" without him noticing tears started to forming on the corner of his eyes.

"no..." Tsuna replied in whisper, "-it's not your fault Kyoya"

"It's my own... It's my fault that I can't read, that I can't write, and that I'm weak... for being no good at anything... for everything" Tsuna said between his sobs as he held Hibari's arm.

"-no, it's not your fault!" Hibari said. "there's no way it's your fault! besides who ever wanted to have a weak lungs and dyslexia? It's a desease Tsuna! It's not like you didn't do your best"

Tsuna is still crying as he shooked his head, "that's not an excuse. I'm a weakling... a dame... It hurts, Kyoya... those insults and all of those pain... I can't hold them myself..."

"-then shared it with me... Tell me your pain. Tell me EVERYTHING... Just call my name and I'll be there for you the same way like you always do..." Hibari said. He's barely holding back his tears as he plead, "just please... don't do this anymore. It's hurting to see you like this, Tsuna. Please promised me..."

Tsuna wiped his tears away as he stopped crying himself.

He bit his lower lip as he throwed his gaze downward, can't stand to stareat Hibari's steel orbs.

"Tsuna?" Hibari called.

after thinking for a while Tsuna finally raised his face. Their eyes locked together as a faint smile slowly formed on his lips, "okay then... I'll try... so please Kyoya, take care of me..."

Hearing that Hibari smiled. yes, he, _the demon prefect,_ the stoic guy, the skylark, THE Hibari is smiling.

"of course Tsuna, I promised" he said, this tme he's the one who rechieving a hug.

"Thanks Kyoya... and please... don't tell Gio-nii" Tsuna said in whisper as he finally uncouncious...

after Tsuna went uncouncious, Hibari brought him home as then he called Giotto about his brother catching a fever.

Giotto was having a meeting when Hibari called him. But of course he'll do anything for his lil' bro.

Hibari asked his permission to let him stay over to look after Tsuna.

"okay then..." Giotto smiled sadly. He actually not as clueless as Tsuna thought. He's not that naive not to notice his brother's old behavior. He had stopped Tsuna from killing himself from eating too many sleep pills once although Tsuna don't remember that occassion, thinking that he was just dreaming. and knowing that the raven can be trusted, Giotto told him everything he knows.

Hibari can only stared at the blonde after hearing all of those.

"I've failed as his older brother... I've failed to protected him... and I know that if I want to keep him alive I need some help. and I'm glad that it's you..." Giotto patted Hibari's shoulder when he said "-I trust him on your hand. so please take care of him..."

and with that permission Hibari keeps an eye on the sick brunet with 24/7.

Giotto told G, about Tsuna's condition and so he's freed from the paperworks at least until Tsuna gets better.

an exact one week later, Tsuna is finally recovered. Not just his body, his psychic also getting better. at least he now had a motivation for not doing self harm.

now he's walking his way to the school with a happy smile however that smile got swiped off his lips slowly as he heard rumours about him all the way of the corridor.

"Hey look, Dame-Tsuna is back! How brave..." one of them whispered.

"I know right! I saw him my self two weeks ago! He's hugging Hibari-senpai shamelessly" the other continued.

"say what?! Hibari-senpai is a gay?"

"Well, I guess that's not the case. I heard that Rei-senpai saw Dame-Tsuna flirting Hibari-senpai although he said that he doesn't like him that way. so tecnically it's Dame-Tsuna who forced him."

"EWWW... Is he that crazy? I mean, come on! we're talking about Hibar-senpai here!"

"Well Dame-Tsuna looked like a kawaii _uke_ in my opinion, so I guess that's possible"

"I bet that Dame is no longer a virgin *chuckles*"

"Yeah, I saw Hibari-senpai hold him bridal style out from the infrimary last monday. do you think that they _did_ it there?" one of the boys asked to the others.

"maybe, Giotto-senpai always got home earlier too lately, could it be they're having a treesome?" they then laughed at their dirty thoughts.

while for Tsuna, he can no longer hold back his tears...

He was just sick for pete sake! just for a godamn week! and now he's tagged as a slut?!

all that he can do is run while crying...

but curse his clumsiness for making things worser. He got tripped over his own feet, making everyone pointed and laughed at him.

without worrying his things anymore he ran and ran all the way back home.

once he arrived he went straight to his own room, crying till his heart contains.

he cried and cried but his pain is too deep...

 _'I have to cut...'_

he then take the blade that he hides, staring at it for a moment...

he never thought that he'll break his promise this fast...

he ran the water into the tub before he then started.

one cut...

two cuts...

three cuts...

four...

blood starts to drip from his wrist.

after a while Tsuna started to feel dizzy from the bloodloss.

He's tears has dried a little while ago...

staring at the ceiling he muttered, "I'm sorry Aniki, I'm sorry Kyoya... but this life is too cruel for me and I can't stand the pain anymore..." He closed his eyes as a faint smile crossing his pale face.

" _Sayonara_..."


	3. his message

Hibari and Giotto is on their own mission as the chairmans of Namimori in junior highschool and highschool...

They both are sent to attend a seminar in another school with the principal.

but just right before their car left the town, they both had a feeling in their gut telling them that something bad is happening... something that really, really bad...

they glanced each other as they understand the means on the other's eyes. without waiting, at the same time they said. "Mr. Principal, turn the direction, NOW!"

the principal who drived the car can do nothing but obey since the both teen threatened to jump not caring that the car is moving in top speed.

every seconds feel like years for them as their gut started to spinning uncomfortably. there's no mistake, something must be happening to Tsuna!

but when they arrived it's all too late...

in Tsuna's bathroom the brunet leaned to the tub lifelessly. blood's falling from the tub to the floor, the place looked like a murder scene...

"TSUNA!" They screamed in horror while the principal can only gasped in shock.

Giotto rushed to Tsuna's side while Hibari tried to do first aid after shouting to the stunned principal to call the ambulance...

Ambulance came not so long then, it brought Tsuna to the hospital as fast as it could.

everyone is running...

The doctor called for emergency...

everything seems to be in rush...

However... Everything is too late...

with head hanged low the doctor said, "excuse me for the words that I about to say..." everyone tensed, by the sound of it, this is gonna be a bad news. "-I'm afraid Sawada Tsunayoshi can no longer be saved... he's passed away since some moments ago and we can't seems to bring him back."

at that Giotto eyes are teary and started to create a waterfall, "It can't be... right? my brother... my dear little brother... tell me that's not true right? Doctor, please tell be that he's going to be okay!" he shouted as he grabbed the doctor's shoulder, shaking it slightly.

Hibari and the Principal can only stunned at the news.

Some nurses come to help calmed Giotto down, but he just get more hysterical, making them got no choice but use transquilizer...

"Tsu...na..." Giotto muttered before he fell to the darkness...

after 3 hours passed, Giotto finally regain his conciousness...

"where am I?" he asked sleepily.

"You're in the hospital Sawada-kun" the Principal answered.

"Why am I in the hospital? I'm not sick am I?" Giotto asked again.

This time Hibari spoke. He explained to him about everything all over again, but this time instead of screaming like a maniac, Giotto just simply cried...

Hibari rubbed circle on his back while trying to act though, even thogh deep inside he's crying river for the loss of his bestfriend, _his only true friend..._

"Why Tsuna? why did you do that?" he asked in whisper but of course the said boy can't anwered him as he's no longer in this world.

Sawada Tsunayoshi is dead... to the two, he's not attempting suicide like what it obviously looked. nut he was murdered, by this cruel world- no, the wold is fine... It's those damn moron who's at the blame. For hurting his heart. For breaking him inside. For killing him with their acts...

but there's no point to blame anyone rightnow, cause what has trully lost would never comeback. and so does Tsuna...

all that ther can do is grieving for his lost... _by crying..._

After accepting the fact that Tsuna is no longer live, Giotto and Hibari went back to the house.

Hibari decided to help Giotto clean all of those blood while on the same time watching the blonde so he won't do the same mistake as his brother...

Cleaning was slow as they had no motivation to move... too sad I may say.

and so, when they finished they're so tired. they both lied on Tsuna's bed that's when Giotto feels something beneath him, he hurriedly sitted back.

"eh, what is this? a tape?" Hibari questioned as they observed that black tape carefully. It has their name on it, from Tsuna.

"how about we take a look what's inside?" Giotto sugested and of course Hibari agreed, by hn-ed in his own style.

They went to the living room and Giotto hurriedly played the tape as they both curious with it's contain.

the tape played showing Tsuna who has difficulties to record his tape.

"did I do it right this time? shouldn't this light turned green?" He asked as he pouted desperately making the two chuckled.

this continued until sometimes later when Tsuna _finally_ realized that the tape is on.

"ah! okay, so this is work... well then..." Tsuna then turned the camera so it can record him playing a piano. while playing some melodies he said, "It's been so long since I play piano again. believe it was before Mom's death. This feel is so nostalgia...

oh, how I miss her a lot...

There's so manything changed since she left...

and so, this song... I'll dedicated special for her..."

He then began too sing...

 ** _I feel that walking has become another chore_**

 ** _I don't think I can go on walking anymore_**

 ** _forgive me for those words_**

 ** _I know they're but a cliche to you_**

 ** _But life is tiring. my feet are feeling sore_**

 ** _I wish that I could have a bit of time_**

 ** _to heal the ache that's growing stronger all the time_**

 ** _But I know time stops for nobody, let alone me,_**

 ** _and so I go inevitably..._**

 ** _whenever things are going rather happily_**

 ** _it turns out life is just playing tricks on me_**

 ** _It's slightly shameful to admit the truth,_**

 ** _I end up in tears and so returns the same old melancholy_**

 ** _I miss when life is just simplicity_**

 ** _and misery wasn't always chasing after me_**

 ** _It's pretty obvious now, I should have left my regret._**

 ** _But I held onto it so foolishly_**

 ** _Maybe I overreact a bit_**

 ** _It hasn't destroyed me yet, has it?_**

 ** _But everything that I desire is just too far to get_**

 ** _Honestly it's just me, brainlessly, so silly, always hoping for good to be_**

 ** _if that's te case then just hear my plea..._**

 ** _pick me upand drop me into unfaltering sleep_**

 ** _You say look hard for solution_**

 ** _but wouldn't that depend on the person?_**

 ** _So I could never, no I could never belive a word anyone says_**

 ** _I know that everyone has their hardships_**

 ** _it's fairly clear to me that I'm not alone_**

 ** _but how is it they can just leave them_**

 ** _I just don't know at all_**

 ** _often I'm told to clean up my act, although maturity is something I lack_**

 ** _and when some simple little problems arise I overthink them, over and over again..._**

 ** _it seems thatthe world is just a troublesome place_**

 ** _so sometimes I think that I should end the pain_**

 ** _"you're sck aren't you dear?"_**

 ** _"I'm sick of the tears"_**

 ** _why can't everything just end simply?_**

 ** _Everything I aspired to be is nothing that will become of me_**

 ** _if my expectations are too far-fetched then just what am I to do?_**

 ** _give a sign, give a sign, a reason not to die_**

 ** _give me a chance to prove my worth_**

 ** _I constantly search a place to cry_**

 ** _why won't this tears just stop pouring from my eyes?_**

 ** _it's hard to constantly think of the same things_**

 ** _It's just unnessecary to think too much_**

 ** _You always told me stars would guide me back home_**

 ** _althought they only show at night_**

 ** _you always showed me kindness, I don't deserve it_**

 ** _I have failed you too much_**

 ** _I think my tiny heart is going to split. Just leave it be for now..._**

 ** _step back from me..._**

 ** _Please leave me be..._**

 ** _This so-deceitful road that I stumble on is never going to end_**

 ** _it's getting difficult to maneuver, and it's just worthless to try and run away_**

 ** _so I'll just hold back my hands over my ears and block out all this noise_**

 ** _how come I live not knowing what life is?_**

 ** _sometimes my dreams seem to be more realistic_**

 ** _Obviously I can't be called happy. Then, what am I afterall...?_**

After singing Tsuna turned to the camera. with a sad smile he said...

"Hello... to you whoever that see this tape rightnow. I really want to thank you for care enough to listen.

I can tell that you must be either of Gio-nii or Kyoya. if it's not please passed this message to them. cause I know that if this tape ever get played then hat means I'm death already. most possibly because of my own foolishness to choose for selfharm..." He closed his eyes for some seconds before re-opened his eyes and says his message...

"To Giotto-nii...

I'm sorry for leaving you all alone Gio-nii. By the time you saw this, I might be in hell already. Rechieving Kami-sama's punnishment for not cherishing my own life.

Gio-nii... I really want to meet you again, saying how sorry I am for being a lame brother who can do nothing but ashamed you in front of the others.

I've tried so hard to do better like you always said but it seems I can't do it as I never good enough in everyone's eyes.

I hope you'll live happily even after when I'm gone.

Well, All that I wanted to ask you is, please don't lose hope like I do...

You're smart, strong, and had so many good friends surrounding you. I know that you'll make it... *smile*

now... to my bestfriend, Kyoya

Sorry Kyoya, but I can't help it. I guess I'm too tired to think anymore. I just want to rest for eternity...

Knowing you, you might seing this while holding back your anger at my dumbness right? *chuckle* well, again sorry... but for this once please don't go to a rampage okay? It's bad for your health if you keeps getting hot tempered all the time.

I just don't want you to die young...

I know, I know, that's a weird quest from someone who attempted a suicide and might be already passed away now, but hey! You're my best friend, the closest person I have along with Gio-nii. So I hope you'll take my advice *smile sadly*.

And please eat well too cause I can no longer remind you to eat your meal...

Well then, that's all from me, your little brother and bestfriend, Sawada Tsunayoshi..." Tsuna then walked closer to the camera, but before he can stopped the recorder he said again,

"also, there's one more thing... please don't blame yourself on what ever happened to me. This is all happens because of my and no one else's fault.

well that's all my death wish...

Farewell and take care..."

the tape stopped leaving a sickening silenceness in the air.

Kyoya clenched his hand until it bleeds as a tear fall from his cheek, "Baka..." He said, "I'm not holding back my anger. I'm fighting back my tears. Now where the hell are you when I need you to sweep them off?" He questioned as he continued to cry in silent.

while with Giotto... he fall on hisknees as he crying hard, mourning Tsuna's name, asking his forgiveness for not able to save him...

on the next day Tsuna's funeral is being held...

Surprisingly everyone is attending it.

not just because Tsuna is Giotto, the chairman's brother neither because he's Hibari bestfriend... but because they felt the loss too...

all this time Tsuna always helped them with their problems. even though he's not smart he always give his best at anything. Yet all that they do is pointed and laugh on his mistakes.

Hibari purposely sent Tsuna's final message to every contact he had until it spread to the whole town. realizing them for what they had done.

Cries can be heard and the sky is dark.

It's started to drizzling when the coffin is setting down, as if the sky is also crying for the loss of a kind person like him...

as the time passed by everyone went to their home leaving the two alone under the heavy rain.

They are Giotto and Hibari who stayed still in front of Tsuna's grave, not saying a thing for some moment, until...

"well, I guess this is goodbye my dear brother..." Giotto said with a hoarse voice. "although I hate it I'll try to live without you. I know that it would probably a living hell to me but with the help with everyone I think I can survive... just like what you asked me to, so you don't need to worry about me..." he then tried his best to smile.

Then, it's Hibari turn, "Hey Tsuna... you're so mean to me you know? at the past you always say to me that I should cherish my life that I should fight aimlessly cause that would kill me someday. But then... then you began to cut yourself. you make me feel so damn helpless Tsuna. and you'd promised me too.

But I guess what's done is done...

we can't bring you back to us.

so all that I can do is forgive you. My you rest in peace Tsuna..."

after saying their goodbyes the two finally left to home...

wihout them knowing a transprent figure of a familiar brunet is sitting on the newly grave, staring at their back, smiling as they walked away, _"I'm sorry and thank you..."_ then the figure dissapeared, fading away into nothingness...

 **THE END**


End file.
